history for sale

ok. so.

ever since i decided to try this blogging business, i've been wanting to write really bad. it's weird, cause i have tons of ideas of stuff i want to say, but i'm too chicken to fully form those thoughts! i'm also too stubborn to give up so easily ;)

so my life is in a little upheaval right now. my family is FINALLY moving out of my childhood home, which is too small for us and incredibly..."lived-in". we have been there for about 16 years, so pretty much most of my live, not to mention it's the only home my two younger siblings have ever known. I AM THRILLED; we all are. but this is a pretty monumental event, and it has me really thinking about the past, and everything that is soon to be left behind. of course, with my mind being completely out of control, i have been drudging up ALL KINDS of other past memories from many different parts of my life: people i have known, things i have experienced, good times, bad times...the list goes on. it's basically all the stuff that made that house my HOME. but it has also made me think about the past itself. why do we, as human beings, dwell on things that can ever be changed or recreated? why do we torture ourselves by reliving every good and bad thing that has happened to us? are we doomed to always be living with part of our hearts and minds stuck in one certain time, or with one certain person?

i suppose not everyone does that. constantly look at the past i mean. many people can live without ever looking back, blissfully floating thru life not wondering what it would be like now if things had been different then.

let me tell you, if there is one thing i know for SURE, its that i am not, not, NOT one of those people. i will admit freely that i cling to my memories, good AND bad, like there is no frickin tomorrow. i am comforted by the past. in all honesty its probably one of my greatest flaws. i can't forget people who meant so much to me and are gone now, nor can i forget (or forgive) those who have hurt me.

in a way, i think its ok for some of us to always have the past in mind. it kind of makes us (or me at least!) more complete, because all those things i remember literally SHAPE who i am today...maybe even who i will become. i could never just leave them behind! it's true, it's hard to relive the bad times, but nothing can ever match the good memories that come hand in hand with the bad...

soooooo........yeah :)

testing, testing...is this thing on?

hello all!

as you may (or may not) have noticed, this blog is brand new, and this is the first thing i have written.

i don't really know why i'm here. i'm not usually a creative person (no scapbooking or craftiness for me!) nor a person who like to journal. so my sudden urge to start a blog (and the fact that i actually followed thru and DID it) was pretty surprising to me. all i know is that i want to start putting thoughts down somehow, so why not share them with other people?

anyway, thats all this blog will really be: the random thoughts and musings from the unquiet mind of a 19 year old girl. please feel free to comment or whatever you feel like doing. i love to read even more than i love writing (which is relatively new), so it would be cool to see other peoples thoughts on my thoughts...if that makes any sense.

so....yeah! thanks for reading. hopefully, this will be interesting :)